February 2012
52 posts
Things Money Cant Buy →
Sunday is getting me down, man.
“Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant...”
– Letter from Hunter S. Thompson to Sally Williams (January 17, 1958) from The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1957 (via lifeinpoetry)
1 tag
COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU:
When anxiety ATTACKS!! Starring me, co-starring my sweaty palms and racing heart.
My friend called me the Sphinx as we sat at the altar of herself and spoke with eyebrows and shared definitions.
hey body, get it together! waking up with swollen red welts on my lips, going to bed with a rash on the back of my hand and shoulders, spending days trying to talk around the swollen lymph nodes that I can feel moving every time I swallow: what’s going on, man? doctor soon, have an appointment in march for various other ailments; if my body doesn’t buck up ill add these to the list....
“Always learn poems by heart. They have to become the marrow in your bones. Like...”
– Jane Fitch, White Oleander (via selfinspiration)
i feel weird. ungood.
the past three days by ways of our bodies:
bris broken finger,
Anthony’s broken ankle,
my moms spine and brain and the lesion embroidery that is crisscrossing them: her new blue pills,
my moms tremors and occasional speechlessness,
I traveled 5 miles by foot,
I feel stronger,
my headaches: two days in a row, cant laugh or I can feel my heartbeat in my eye, the back of the head, feels...
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Big news! Over the past six months, I’ve been trying to get a grasp on the Serious Problem I have when it comes to hoarding notebooks, dozens and dozens of notebooks. I used to carry no fewer than six with me at a time. A few weeks ago i shrank it to three. And today, ladies and gentleman, with much sighing, and pacing, and rearranging, today I have but ONE notebook in my purse! I deserve a...
The Story Of The Time I Shook My Booty At The Gym
The guy in front of me on the treadmill was lip syncing HARD CORE to what appeared to show tunes. His bravery inspired me to shake my booty a little while on the stair master-thing. And so I did.
Story of my life: my cuteness interferes with people hearing the seriousness of my message.
I am giving up lists, cold turkey, no 12 step program. I use lists as excuses, list making feels like movement but is actually staying very still. Some lists are ok, 10 top songs that make me cry, 7 best reasons to go barefoot, etc. but fuck to do lists, fuck them in their scrawny little faces. Doing is doing. Thinking about doing is a waste of time.
Didn’t sleep, really. Eyes closed around 6 and I woke up at 7 impassioned, haunted, moving. My ghost grew hands, typed another message, copy paste repeat, to a different recipient. How is she, what did she tell you, what are you doing, why would you trust her. I never learned to look away except from mirrors, I never learned to unclench my fists.
Added to the to do list:
Big Lebowski night at the bowling alley, dye my hair, pierce my ears again
I need the princess bride book!
I woke up to screaming, and it got under my skin, I shoved my hands in my pockets and scowled at myself in the mirror when I walked past. I yelled at the cat and refused breakfast and grumped around and picked fights. I felt terrible, and I didn’t want to feel terrible any more, so I gave myself a grown up time out, I locked myself in the family room and blasted rilo kiley and did yoga even...
Listen up: the only thing about hipster culture that sucks is snobbery and insincerity. Fuck off if you think certain books or shoes or something suck because of their association with ANY culture, if I like it, I’m allowed to like it, if you like it, I don’t care, just be real with yourself. Your refusal to look beyond prescribed stereotypes is almost worse than people who adhere to...
Its weird how it goes: ed asked me to move out with him today, Maria texted me out of the blue, Paul sent me tattoo ideas, Tony invited me to the bar, lunch with Julie, plans with the kates, just riding on the ebb and flows of these relationships. Its curious how it happens all at once, maybe people are coming out of hibernation, I don’t know, but its interesting how the once far away took...
sing it, sister
man, am I in a rilo kiley kind of headspace today.
Afternoon: lunch with an old friend, then locking the door and dancing and yoga and frozen grapes. This past week I haven’t been able to sit still, I’ve been trying to get to know My Body, to understand what it needs and how I can take care of it, and what it can DO. I’ve ignored having a body for so long, only paying enough attention to my body periodically to hate it for not...